If I Disappear by Eliza Jane Brazier
Genres: Mystery, Thriller
Publication Date: Jan 26, 2022
Publisher: Berkley
Format: Ebook via Kindle Unlimited

“You are the hero of the heroless stories. You will save people; will they save you?”

Eliza Jane Brazier, If I Disappear

Synopsis from GoodReads:

Sera loves true crime podcasts. They make her feel empowered in a world where women just like her disappear daily. She’s sure they are preparing her for something. So when Rachel, her favorite podcast host, goes missing, Sera knows it’s time to act. Rachel has always taught her to trust her instincts.

Sera follows the clues hidden in the episodes to an isolated ranch outside Rachel’s small hometown to begin her search. She’s convinced her investigation will make Rachel so proud. But the more Sera digs into this unfamiliar world, the more off things start to feel. Because Rachel is not the first woman to vanish from the ranch, and she won’t be the last…

Rachel did try to warn her.


Review and Favorite Quotes

I almost put this book back on the first page and I am so glad I didn’t. Second Person POV is not my favorite and I very rarely feel like it works. But I would say it fit this story quite well. It lends an extra sense of unease and insight of an unreliable narrator.

My favorite part of this mystery is the fact that you are forced to grapple with the Crazy Women stereotypes WHILE watching Sera, our narrator, become more obsessed and a bit unhinged. Such a brilliantly added layer to this mystery.

“I’m not perfect. I have made mistakes and compromises, but I have fucking tried. I fucking care. Maybe sometimes I don’t care enough about myself; maybe sometimes I care too much about other people.”

Eliza Jane Brazier, If I Disappear

I also love that each chapter is the title of a podcast episode, with a snippet of that episode. On the Murder Line, She’s Being Watched, All the Girls, The Killer Comes Home. So brilliant. I love when books have that extra tie in/parallel that lays over the entire story.

And the side characters! All I remember, is that every single one is suspicious. The Cold Distant Mom and the Dorky Funny Dad, but with a deeper sense of malice from both. The Unbelieving Cop that you want to shake silly. The Handsome Married Ranch Worker on the ranch alone. A Preacher Brother who gives Weird Vibes. I loved the conflicting stories we get from them about Rachel as Sera is trying to discover what happened.

The ending is twisty and I think it fits the story well. I very much enjoyed this book, oddly enjoyed the unreliable/unlikable main character, and was glad I kept reading past the second person narrative. A truly interesting, bizarre read.

“I am those bodies. Those bodies are me. I am every woman who has ever disappeared.”

Eliza Jane Brazier, If I Disappear